The CEO Elite

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Why Respect Affects Your Bottom-line

Respect Definition

Respect is what we give to and hope to receive from others. With respect comes an understanding of someone else’s’ perspective, choices, values, and priorities. We can give respect without agreeing with others perspective, but we cannot get respect without understanding the value of someone else’s life.

Respect is usually given as a result of getting to know and understand someone, which usually means we personally know them. In this age of technology, social media, and virtual connections it is more and more likely that we will have connections we have built a level of respect for without ever meeting that person face-to-face.

Respect Foundations

I believe respect comes in different levels of intensity and is mostly tied to how much we think we know about a person.

Level 1 – Just met you

When we meet someone, the level of respect we can give them and expect from them is determined by the etiquette of our society. Anything from acceptable personal space and phone manners,  to how to queue for coffee are all a form of respect. Not understanding someone else’s social norms means we can sometimes see their actions as offensive or that we are not accepted because they don’t see our action as appropriate.

Level 2 – Acquaintance

Those people you know, like and trust that you have met several times at different networking events, at the office, or in common locations, like the neighbours house. These people are not yet friends that you have invited to your home and can be thought of as acquaintances. They don’t know that your mother is sick or how many children you have, but will always say, “hi” when they see you in public. Respect for these people and from these people comes from how consistent you are when you see each other. Do you make eye contact, do you remember what was said the last time you met, do you remember their name. If not, they are more like strangers you just met; no expectation of familiarity is required and no respect beyond level 1 is earned.

Level 3 – Friends and Family

Friends and family have developed a lot of respect for you and you for them for some aspect of who they are. Especially friends, who are not required to stay with you for a lifetime of friendship. A family member may forgive transgressions that lower their respect for you and visa-versa, but friends can simply walk away, as they are not likely to see you at the next family gathering. This level of friendship goes deeper than how you show up. Respect is often tied to your family’s respect level, your public image, your results in competition, school, or on the job. This level of respect takes longer to earn and is harder to repair if lost.

Level 4 – Close Family and Besties

A close family member or a life-long best friend is someone you love, no matter what. This is the highest level of respect you can earn and takes a lifetime to build. It is less fragile than Level 3 respect, but once broken is likely not repairable. This respect comes from consistent behaviour with expected outcomes. If you can know for sure someone will show up and behave in a consistent and expected way, you can count on their actions. Because of this, people that have level 4 respect create respect for others by giving a referral or testimonial of their trust in that person. Sometimes respect is a result of simply being under their influence, being seen with them can transfer respect through proximity. What is seen by others is that, “you must have something of value if this person is being seen with you.” Their respect is transferable on a level 2 scale and sometimes a level 3, without you having to create even the simplest relationship.

How to Lose Respect

So where in business do we expect to be respected, and for what? The place our trust is most often violated happens in wasting someone else’s time. Somehow, some people believe it is OK to be late, cancel an appointment just before a meeting, or show up unprepared. In general, without a really good reason, this is unacceptable behaviour. We all know “shit happens” and there are times when being late or not making a meeting are legitimate problems. Since the only resource we cannot buy more of is time, wasting someone’s time is, I believe, the number one way to lose their respect for you.

How to Gain Respect

The best way to gain respect is to go through the levels of respect over time and build a relationship that includes knowledge of the other person, and understanding of their needs and wants, acceptance of their differences, and a close connection that is built on open communications and trust.

Why Bother?

Respect is a social capital that can be used to create valuable relationships and connections with people that can help us build and grow our businesses and make a difference in our lives. Don’t waste this resource you have. Give respect to get respect.

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Problematic Employees Stop Change and Growth

 

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Running a business is way more than just doing the work. What happens when someone in your business is not doing their work? I have had several clients at a place in their business where they are growing, but employees in their business are not growing with them. It is weird to start seeing these employees become more entitled and embedded in the way work “was done” in the past. They have an argument and excuse why their old way is better. One of the funniest statements from this type of employee is when they say their work is so complicated that it requires extra work on their part to meet the requirements. Work that someone else cannot do. If someone’s job is so complicated that no one else can do it, it cannot change, or it takes too long, then either they are unwilling to change, they are incompetent, or there really is a problem with your business systems.

For my clients, it was all three. No one else could do the work because the person had made it so complicated it was not efficient or functional. They were also unwilling to change because it meant giving up control. This resulted in broken systems in their business. The options? Option 1– Fire them or Option 2– get them on board.

If you want to get them onboard and ensure they are really part of the new team you need to allow them to take control of the change in their job.

  • Give them the new work and ask them to implement it.
  • Give them a deadline.
  • Stay on top of their progress. Don’t wait until the deadline to check-in, do it every day.
  • Have them explain what they are doing, what the issues are, and what is working well.
  • Give them a teammate to work with that must also understand the changes and be able to take over.
  • Give them credit for what they accomplish.
  • Don’t accept excuses unless they come with a workaround that fits with the company’s growth plan.
  • If they don’t make progress, you always have Option 1.

Great employees are not people that do complicated work that no one else can do, they are great people that take pride in the work they do because they know it makes a difference to the business and their own lives. Problematic employees cost your business in numerous ways. Don’t spend too much time with a problematic employee that is unwilling to change.

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Be A People Person – Even When You Aren’t

A “people person” is liked by other people, has great communications skills, makes great leaders, and attracts people that are similar to them. If you aren’t a “people person” whom and what are you attracting and how does that affect your business?

“The greatest thing about business is the people. The worst thing about business is the people.” ~Unknown

I have been told this and I have shared it numerous times when I or my clients are challenged with the interaction of employees, clients, suppliers, contractors, and freelancers. Like everything in life, there is a Yin/Yang relationship with other people. Even the people we love the most we are not always in love with. So why do we think that we should always love the people we bring into our business and why do we not allow ourselves time to revisit our own role in our relationships before making decisions?

I believe there are many things you can do to create amazing relationships in your business. Here are three key rules you can apply to your business relationship that will help you manage conflict and reduce lost time and money associated with that.

1) Don’t hold on to bad people.

The old rule, “hire slow and fire fast” applies here. Spend time assessing whether people are the right fit for your business relationship. Evaluate them with respect to your core business values, your vision and your mission statement. These are important tools to use when making decisions about your business relationships. If the person does not fit your values then don’t hire them. If you have already hired them and find out they are not the right fit, fire them. If you have made it past the trial time on the job, and they don’t fit, fire them with reason (do this legally) and give them the benefits they deserve. The longer you have a toxic person in your business the longer they will affect your core business values and eventually your bottom line.

 2) Don’t make decisions when you are angry

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” – Dale Carnegie

This applies to you as well. We all have moments (well maybe not the Dali Lama – who knows?) when our emotions get the better of us and we become angry at something or someone. Anger is a defensive emotion from our more primitive days, that helps us protect ourselves from danger. If we are angry we can protect our clan and our belonging from others that are from outside our circle. When we get angry at people that are inside our circle of connections, we are trying to teach them to fall-in-line and support the group.

The challenge with this thinking is, our anger can come from our own mistakes, can come from a feeling of betrayal, or from a situation that is unexpected, amongst other things. When we become angry our primitive brain stops asking the “thinking brain” what to do and then acts on its own. Do you really want people in your business making decisions without thinking? No, of course you don’t, so you have to ensure you also are not doing this.

3) Don’t get defensive

Being defensive is the act of immediately going to an excuse as to why something is the way it is, why you chose a specific path or made a specific decision. You may have the perfect solution, but if someone else has an issue with it, the best way to defuse the emotions and get to a solution is to first listen to their complaint, acknowledge that you have heard and understood it and then offer to talk it over with them. I look for ways to say, ‘yes’ to their request for a change, that will also support the best outcomes for the business and the people in it. Sometimes that is simply offering to sincerely listen and evaluate the situation with a willingness to make a change if needed. This means that if the other person is correct I would have to find a way to implement their perspective. If you are not skilled at conflict resolution then get someone who is to help you. I have found, in the past, that when I was sure my point of view was correct and someone else’s was wrong, that the two points were often focused on the same endpoint with two different ways to get there. That made saying yes much easier. I would never have been able to get to the resolution without first listening and evaluating their perspective and needs.

As the owner of the business, you have to model what you want others to do in your business. If you want employees that treat others, including your clients, with respect, then you had better not be ranting about another person or situation that made you angry, spouting off excuses to defend the decisions you have made. If you want to have great relationships in your business you have to learn what it takes to be a “people person”.

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If You Don’t Ask – You Don’t Get

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I remember as a kid I used to feel left out by those that received special gifts, access, or invitations to special events. I would think that maybe I wasn’t liked as well, maybe there was a problem having me along, or maybe someone else had suggested to not include me.  I know, a little therapy was valuable for this. But, as an adult, I realized I could still make myself feel this way when others got what I wanted.

What I found when I was young was also the answer to what I could do now. I had to ask.

Once, several years ago, when our kids were small and money was very tight, my neighbour had somehow received tickets to box-seats for a local hockey game.  She did not get them for free, but she had paid a good price for them and had six. She had two extra. I found out that she had invited a woman across the street, whom she barely knew, instead of me, a friend she saw weekly. I was hurt and stewed over the reasons behind this. Obviously, she or her husband did not like me or my husband. What else could it be? Several weeks after that incident I built up the courage to ask her and guess what I found? She had not invited me because she did not want to make me feel bad knowing that I did not have the money to purchase the $200 ticket.

Two-hundred dollars? She was right, I didn’t. She was wrong to assume I’d understand her reason when she didn’t tell me, but she was right I would not have purchased the tickets. So I asked her another question. “Would you always please include me and allow me to make my own decisions?”  She agreed.

In business, this happens often. People are afraid to ask for the sale and to make follow-up phone calls to find out if people are ready to purchase or to simply ask what people need in their business. It feels salesy, and we all hate to feel salesy.

Years ago, when my focus was technical writing for medical device manufacturers, I had a prospect that had indicated he needed my services. I phoned several times in a few weeks, sometimes leaving messages, usually not. Then I reduced the frequency to once every two weeks, then once a month. At around the 6-month mark, I left this message, “… I don’t want to harass you and I don’t want to stop calling if you need me. Please let me know if I should stop calling…” and left my contact information again. Can you believe that he called me later that day? He apologized for not returning my calls earlier. The company had run into some regulatory issues and they had been running full-out these past 6 months. Yes, he still needed me, but they were not ready. Please keep checking in. So I did, and I got their business.

I’ve had other instances where following up, which sometimes feels salesy when you are making 6 or more calls, resulted in a sale. I have never had someone be upset with me. Ever! Recently, I was surprised to find out that one prospect had put me on her vision board. I am her next step to growing a bigger business. All I had to do was reach out.

If you want to really make leaps in your business, don’t let your assumptions about what people want, or why they do what they do, stop you from finding out how you can help them. If you want something, you have to ask for it.

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Don’t Hang Around with Red-Light People

Stopped in city traffic while driving

Strangely, I have had cause to tell this analogy three times in the last two days, so I thought it was a ‘tap on the shoulder’ to share it more widely.

The Tragedy of Yesterday

Yesterday, a young musical artist (rapper) named  XXXTentacion (Jahseh Onfroy) was shot and killed. My daughter brought him to my attention and was following the news of this tragedy, looking through his life, watching how he changed, feeling sorrowful for the man he was becoming. It was interesting to see how she would speak about how he had come from a troubled background, the things he had done and had done to him. Then she would explain how he was making a huge difference to the world by changing himself. Yesterday she was touched by the public outpouring of grief of loss. This morning she came out angry, because of the haters online.

We all know of haters in our world. They don’t trust, don’t love, don’t say positive things, and are usually looking for the worst in any situation. This is what my daughter started reading this morning and it is no way to start a day. In fact, it was encouraging her to witness more of the same, because it was giving people permission to speak more of the same. (Like begets like). So I told her my “red-light analogy”.

Red-Light Analogy

traffic signal redWhen I drive around town I realize there are two states I can be in. The red-light state or the green-light state. When I am in the red-light state, I see red lights at every intersection. I feel like someone is purposefully trying to make me late. Maybe Kharma is working against me today. I feel impatient and the cars around me seem to be filled with aggressive, stupid drivers. When I arrive at my destination I am angry and frustrated. Even if I’m not late, I will apologize and then rant about my terrible experience with all the red lights.

On days when I get a lot of green lights, I feel like I have done something right. Someone out there is rewarding me for the good things I do in life.  Somehow I deserved the green lights. This is also not a green-light day as it assumes that we have no control over how we feel about what we experience. As if it was because someone else gave us a gift of green lights that we can now feel good about our journey. traffic signal green

On green-light days I choose to acknowledge the green lights I see with a smile. I don’t think of them as good or bad, just as an experience of traffic. I choose not to acknowledge the red lights at all. I simply stop because that is what is required of me. I am grateful for the opportunity to drive, for a place to go, transportation to get me there, and for people to meet. Life is about the journey so focusing on what you have and what you are grateful for makes it easier to soften the experiences that make us feel hurt or angry. On green-light days, I get to my destination and think, I don’t remember hitting any red lights today. Hmmmm. Of course, there are no less red lights on my drive than there had been in the past. I just don’t focus on them and that delivers me to my destination in a mood to laugh, share, engage, think, and connect with people that can make a difference in my life and business.

Green-Light Days in Business

If you often find yourself focused on what other people are doing, thinking and saying, about the politics, world economies, the dollar, the leaders, the by-laws, the taxes, etc. you may be feeling discouraged, doubtful, negative, pessimistic, overcome with emotions, overwhelmed by the negative possibilities, unsure of your own future, and helpless, then you are likely focusing on the red lights instead of the green. In this mental state, you cannot focus on growth goals, finding solutions, making powerful connections and partnerships, or building for the future, because your brain is telling you it is a hopeless venture. You have to get your brain on board the green-light route.

When you focus on the people that are doing what you want to do and that are spreading the message that it is possible, you start to see more and more people that are living in a positive light, doing amazing things that support a happy life for themselves or for their family, community, country, and the world. When you train your brain to look for the best things, it sees more of the best things. It is not that the negative things disappear, or that you become ignorant to the challenges of the world, it is just the opposite. You become stronger and more competent at what you do. Your business becomes more sustainable. A world full of competent, positive people running sustainable businesses creates more for everyone.

Honestly, it takes each person the commitment to lead a positive life for themselves that will build a world full of positive and powerful change. Applied to your business, this powerful, positive perspective allows you to attract the resources you need, like people that can help you get to where you want to go.